insecurity

Yesterday it really hit me just how insecure I am.

A friend mentioned a dating service to help "smart" people meet. I thought I would check it out. It's still in it's infant stages but interesting.

I don't really think I'm going to find my soulmate online but I filled out a profile.

Then I realized just how insecure I am!

Was I going to sound smart enough to get my profile accepted?

And if it was accepted, would I sound smart enough to get a date? Would I sound like a ditzy average chick trying to pass as an intellectual?

Then the bad thing happened. I was embarassed that I never finished college. Embarassed enough that I was tempted to lie about it!

I didn't lie. But then I sat there looking at profiles realizing that all these PHD college professors weren't going to be interested in a woman who didn't even managed a BS unless she's young, gorgeous and has big boobs. I'm not smart enough to be their equal and definitely not a trophy wife.

How depressing!

I know, I know. I'll find my place in life. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone to share it with. It's what I really want. But in the meantime, it's really hard to keep those insecurities at bay.